Another Shoulder
by clogz
Summary: “Did you fall for Lord Lu Bu harder than you intended?” I flinched against his sarcasm. My own calm, sing-song voice faded into the thin air, though he still managed to hear me. “No...I fell for someone else.” DiaoChan/ZhangLiao
1. Prologue

Just something that's definitely been nagging me for weeks now… a random Fanfic that I have the sudden urge to write. Will most likely NOT be updated as often as the main one I am writing right now, **Solace**, and really written as just a little… uh, something different? No hints or giving away my plot in this one - I'm gonna see how it rolls. I will just say it was inspired by Diao Chan's storyline in DW3XL.

Enjoy, please comment me.

_**Prologue**_

_I'd climbed so many sets of concrete, grey dull staircases, that I do believe the muscles in the back of my thighs were screaming in agony; threatening to tear from my skin. Being holed up in these cold stone walls for the majority of two months was beginning to take its toll on both my fitness and my will to carry on; and our Lord's threats of "a thrashing to all the feeble working scum" in the case of a single soul leaving the fortress of Xia Pi had done nothing to ease the mood or give anyone the much-needed inspiration to continue with their lives normally._

_We were being scrutinised; our lives were already over, it was common knowledge which had swept throughout the fortress and village in rumorous whispers that Lu Bu's reign was at an end, all that was left for his 'greatness' to do now was sit out the purge of nothingness and wait for defences to bolster; Cao Cao's allied force would very soon after rush the gates. Food was running low, water too – Bu had banned alcohol on the castle premises; and the sneaky, more slippery servants of the palace who horded the last few kegs of ale like pirates to their bounties were sure to be discovered soon enough. _

_As I approached the top of the stairwell; leaving the musky, gloomy interior of a past-loved castle behind, the chilling night air hit my face with such force that I was surprised I hadn't been thrown backward down the stairs. It was only the guards who were meant to be stalking the exterior walkways of the roofs; however innocent pleading and a girly eyelash-flutter which had worked so many times before for the infamous Diao Chan was no different today; the guard had just grudgingly bid me to be careful, and to stay out of sight of the hawk-eyed guards._

_To be honest, he was most obviously taking pity on me – everyone who had been here the whole two months knew what it was now like to desperately wish to breathe lungfuls of vaporous Autumn air – the rather distasteful mix of soldier's body-odour, rotten food stenches and leftover ale was beginning to get to one's sinuses, and it was now, as I stepped out onto the moonlit cobblestones of the upper walkway that I could finally cherish the sweet evening air, even if I could only savour this small pleasure for a minute or two. _

_Glancing about me wildly in case of a nearby patrol-soldier, I dashed across to the high castle walls, which just fell short of my waist, enabling me to peer down at the moat below, my eyes having to take a minute to adjust to the inky darkness which cloaked the muddy grass below. _

_And then I could clearly see them; brown tents, nailed into the grass, weathered, looking as if they had been there for the longest time. Soldiers, just like ours, patrolled the terrain – though their postures and strides were not quite so downcast, out of hope, just fed-up. The contrast, ironically, between our two armies was that one was the prey, already hunted, putting up a stubborn, cowards fight whilst the predator had already secured its victim in its jaws, it just needed the power to crunch down. _

"_M'lady?"_

_I whipped around so fast, with such a surprised expression painted across my features that it must have looked like the stones in the castle wall had just sprouted arms and legs and performed a tap dance for me, there in the still night. _

_Zhang Liao looked just about as weary as I myself felt, and when I acknowledged this for him he just gave a tired sigh, approaching me where I stood stock still in the evening. _

"_You are right. All this doing nothing has really started to tire me out." He even managed a grin, despite our current circumstances; always such a charmer. _

_Strands of unkempt hair, once silky and cared for, now whipped about my face in the breeze, and I managed to sweep it over my shoulder arrogantly before making a reply and turning back to survey the ground below, my palms pressing lightly on the top of the wall. "Is he… sending more troops out tomorrow?"_

_I glanced sideways across at Liao, to see his lips taughten in a firm line, his brow furrowing. "Yes… I am heading the assault."_

_I tried not to let the sudden wave of shock which spread throughout my insides show upon my blushed cheeks, and instead just gave a swift nod, trying to look as if I wasn't too worried. "Yes, of course… I guess you're the last hope."_

_Ok, what I really wanted to do was throw a little fit and stamp my feet indignantly, beginning to scream and curse at the dastardly Lu Bu for sending Zhang Liao on such a crass suicide mission – and even though I knew my friend would not be affected by such an outburst, I didn't want to admit to myself that maybe this was the end. _

_Maybe this was the last time I'd see him…_

_His voice was much more soothing than I believed possible, under such conditions. "Chan, it's late. You should be inside, keep warm."_

"_I don't know if I can keep warm anymore… everyone in the palace has turned so… cold…"I muttered quietly, against the breeze, more to myself than my friend who stood so proudly beside me._

"_Is Lord Lu Bu with – _

_- his wife?" I finished for him, spitting out the second word with much more venom than I originally intended. _

_I was even more surprised when Liao let out a small chuckle… it wasn't quite one of real humour, and he wasn't laughing with me, or at me – he seemed to have pity. _

"_Did you fall for him harder than you intended?" I could hear the slight sarcasm in his tone, and flinched against it, placing a palm against my cheek, shielding myself from his amusement. _

"_No…" my calm, sing-song voice faded into the thin air, though he still managed to hear me. _

"_I fell for someone else."_


	2. 1

Thankyou so much for all the reviews! I have tried to reply to as many of them as I can individually. I'm glad that xReika and donutgirl persuaded me to put this up; I was sort of at a loose end how to actually write it, but I finally have plot ideas. Thanks for reading.

Sorry this chapter is kinda short; but the next one should be up pretty quickly, and from there everything properly gets started.

1

I wasn't particularly sure which of the two irritating noises had awoken me that Saturday morning; it could either have been the wind rushing through my lofty windows and slamming my wardrobe doors swiftly shut, or the daily screaming routine of my adopted father's niece; a banshee like act which still managed to sneak through the floorboards even after I had resorted to closing all the doors and windows the night before in preparation. I guessed it must have been the latter.

I didn't even bother to make an attempt at sneakily listening in on my 'cousins' complaints this morning; often being incoherent babblings about dresses she was not allowed to leave the house in. My father said it was safety, she claimed it was fashion.

Grumpily, I heaved myself out of bed with a sigh; being a hormonal seventeen-year-old I wasn't best suited to early-rises; and I wasn't particularly surprised to see that the sun outside was already high above the clouds; I'd definitely overslept a tad too long.

And so as I heavily clomped downstairs out of weariness and still fully clad in my night-gown and dressing robe, it was also upon routine that I ignored the pathetic glower from Ling, directed from the bottom of the stairs, where she sat sulking, and cheerfully acknowledged the morning greeting from my father with a smile. I once again, for the fourth time this week, successfully stepped across Ling's leg which was outstretched across the bottom of the stairwell just to trip me up, and smirked as she attempted to hide her resentment – and failed.

I left my father and his niece (he often asked me to think of her as my cousin; but I couldn't bear talking about the wretched harpy like she was family, for crying out loud) continue their argument in the hallway as I entered the small kitchen and set about finding myself a late breakfast – trying in vain to block out their nattering and digging about in the cupboard for the teapot.

No, I wasn't a bitch (well, I didn't like to think so); I just intensely disliked Ling – because in fact there was not much that one could possibly like about her; she had a personality which deserved no favours and her outer beauty matched the inner one – a lack of curves caused her to hold a skinny, bony structure, and her eyes held nothing but constant acid and the devils charm of a snake. There had been times in the past when Ling and myself had gotten along as sisters – however those times were about as freak accident like as to how Ling had even been conceived (her mother and father had stopped bringing up children a year before her birth, however according to grapevine gossip the mother in question had gotten a little too frisky with a servant of the household – nine months later, along came Ling. Let me tell you; talk of that genre spreads about our community like wildfire.). We had eventually grown apart into different social groups and tendencies – only once again to cross paths nowadays because Wang Yun had taken her in upon the promise that he would settle the irritating girl down with a respectable husband. I myself doubted that anyone would take her – she was only fifteen years of age after all.

I let the tea brew away quietly to itself and turned to raise the wooden blinds, sunlight flooding into the kitchenette which I shielded my blurred eyes against with a wince. I happened to curse my inaccurate internal body-clock for not managing to get my backside out of bed at a reasonable hour at the same time as I heard Ling groan dramatically, a whine always apparent in her tone.

"Why does Chan get to lie-in and be so lazy? It's so unfair…"

I smiled as my father's response came along as eloquently as ever, with the patience which could only come with practice. "Because Chan is older, she has important work to do for me; she must get all the rest that she possibly can."

As I poured out the two small cups of tea, Ling gave one of those loud, teenager-style sighs which always injects a little humour into the atmosphere, however dull. "Is this one of those, 'oh, Ling, you'll understand when you're older,' things?"

"It is indeed, Ling. Run along – you're excused from your housework and chores until later on; Diao Chan and I have important meetings to attend – we do not want you in our way."

Footsteps followed, the front door slammed violently, and, seconds later, an ever-weary Wang Yun sauntered into the kitchen with an evident lack of energy.

"I am getting too old for this," he proclaimed with a wry shake of his head, a smile appearing across chapped lips when his grey eyes fell to the tea I held out. He eagerly grasped it in both hands and leant back tiredly against the wooden countertop. After a long sip of tea from both parties, I went in for the kill, daringly risking the small wage of allowance money I earned every month or so.

"So," I began, like a child desperate for gossip, which honestly, I was, "whats the latest saga with our own lovely Ling?" Surveying Yun for his reaction, I gently traced a finger delicately round the rim of my tea-cup.

Yun just sighed and fixed me with one of 'those' looks. "Never mind," he scolded gently, returning, more importantly, to his cup. "We have work to do, Chan, and so I'm letting her off the hook for a little while. Believe me, there are much more important things than her troublesome welfare."

My nod in response was pretty absent; since of this supposed 'work' we were due to be doing, I had no idea in the slightest. I just proceeded in doing the whole nodding-along-wisely gesture, pretending that I was totally clued in. I returned to my tea-cup with a blush, unsure of what to reply with.

"You don't remember, do you?"

I raised my chin slightly to see my father surveying me closely over the top of his bone china cup, an eyebrow raised – though I couldn't really tell whether the gesture was out of amusement or surprise.

My head shook quickly in guilty negativity.

Father chuckled as he placed his drained cup to a side and approached the window, resting two hands firmly on the pane and surveying the outside world with a quick sweep of his weary, grey eyes. "It is our meeting with Lord Lu Bu, today. He is arriving in a few hours."

"Oh…"

Now I remembered.

I started when he swivelled toward me on the spot, his robes swaying about his figure in a single swish. "You know what you have to do… it is important, Diao Chan. I doubt he will be able to resist," he moved closer, bending his head ever so slightly as if trying to avert my attention, which had miraculously switched to my indoor-shoes. "You have to want this for us, as much as I do." He tried once again, though I didn't want to catch his gaze.

"Of course I do…" I mumbled, a slight stutter edging my tone. All in all, I'm not too sure how I felt back then – I was a bundle of raging hormones and the desire to be loved, not the most decent mix to occur when your father is packing you off to a palace in which you must single-handedly take down the number one tyrant of China by fluttering your eyelashes and just generally feeling ashamed of yourself. Honestly, it wasn't the type of job which most young women of the community ever really had to worry about. I knew what was to follow; though I didn't want to admit that from here on, after our two set meetings with both Dong Zhuo and Lord Lu Bu, I would most irrevocably be on my own. The wonder of it all scared me; because from the minute I left the confines of my childhood home to arrive at the bounteous, glorious corridors and halls of Dong Zhuo's quarters, if the plan was in anyway uncovered or unearthed, I would be the one, most certainly, who would get the blame. My father loved me, yes, though I did not see him stepping in to place weight on his name; which was highly respected, and not something which he was going to tarnish quite so easily.

His own voice brought me, very suddenly, back to earth. "Are you ok, Chan?"

I waved aside his question with a hand, impatiently. "Yes, yes, but, do you honestly think I'm ready?"

A quick, studious look didn't seem to provide him with answers, because it was all too quickly that he muttered, "of course. It was myself who brought you up, after all." He bid goodbye, urging me to change, saying that Lord Lu Bu would definitely not be impressed if I met him wearing simple night-clothes, and scurrying off to prepare the other girls of the house.

The advice and idle chatter passed straight through me; and instead of happily darting upstairs to kit myself out into more alluring clothing, I was left alone to brood silently to myself, unfortunately finding no answers hidden in the cold dregs of my tea cup.

* * *

The house I had grown up in was full to the brim of young women and servants – in fact there were so many living in the household that there were several people whom I barely knew; and new arrivals would come and go as they pleased. As far as I knew, myself and another girl, two years older than myself, were the longest running residents.

I joined this other girl in the kitchen when I was fully ready for my encounter with our visitors; Lin Jia, she was called. Jia was a chirpy, talkative girl who I regarded as my best friend of the house; she was a likeable person, very easy to chat with, especially since, in fact, you did to have to say much during conversations. She was a chatterbox to boot, and she knew it.

"Do you know much about Lord Lu Bu?" I asked her, as I begrudgingly helped her prepare the food for the meal.

Her eyes widened, as if I had in fact caused a great offence. "How can you not know about him?" She did not wait for an answer, "one of the strongest, most powerful soldiers around. He's very well respected, though apparently he had a little crash with the old family – killed his own adopted father. Horrible, huh?" Once again, no pause for even a nod or murmured agreement. "According to some of the maids, he's pretty handsome too."

This time, Jia only gave a little pause for both breath, and to stare dreamily into the distance. She gave a dramatic little sigh, and I shook my head in bewilderment as Yun ran through the entranceway. "Chan!"

I turned gratefully away from the onions I now happened to be chopping, my eyes slowly filling with water. I resisted the urge to wipe away the moisture with a greasy hand. "What are you doing? I need you perfect for our visitors." He led me away from the counters slowly, before his stare morphed to a grimace as he regarded my make-up. "Go and re-fix yourself up, girl." He gave me a little push out of the door, shoving me back toward my chamber.

Inside, I critically eyed myself over and sighed. My eye-make-up had indeed run slightly; causing the space underneath them to darken, giving me the air of a panda with sleep-deprivation.

"Damned onions…" I muttered to myself, nervously wringing my hands under the tap and splashing cold-water onto my face. I shivered at the contact, before brushing loose strands of hair back underneath my hair-ornament; a golden band in which mock-up flowers were positioned carefully, beads hanging down from a golden chain beside my cheek which often caused irritation; I spent most of my time sweeping them aside forcefully, much to my father's distaste.

"Lord Lu Bu, it is an honour, to meet you again…"

Nerves overtook my senses, and my hands began to tremble where I gently applied the last brush of application to my eyes. I wondered if I was meant to be out there, greeting the guests with my father right now, or if in fact, I was meant to make a dramatic entrance later on, when dinner was being served. I decided it would not, in fact, be the best of first impressions is I fell out of the small, mirrored room beside the hallway in a tangle of robes and hairpieces, so I held my ground and waited for the group of visitors and maids to shuffle past the door. Silence ensued after the passing, and I stepped out carefully, pressing the door shut with a quiet, final click, and making my way toward the main room.


	3. 2

Hellooo. Thankyou very much for the reviews, etc, etc. Constructive critisicm is always welcome. Oh, but no flames for the pairing, seriously. And, and uh, thanks for the spam review about the Battle of Red Cliffs movie, whoever that was... very, very helpful.

2

As I made my 'grand entrance' into the main hall in which my father saw that guests of the house were entertained, there was an over-exaggerated exclamation of delight from the man himself, and all three pairs of male eyes in the scene were suddenly fixated on myself. Oh, don't get me wrong, I welcome the attention – I found that under the heat of this sudden surveillance I did not need my acting skills to emit a radiant blush of modesty – however it was my father's all-too-expectant glance which was shot with fractional timing that threw me of balance; nearly literally. The clompy wooden-heeled shoes I was wearing suddenly seemed incredibly threatening, and I failed to meet my father's eyes; I knew what thoughts were passing through his head, 'scrubbed up well,' most likely, plus he was obviously believing that the colour which my cheeks had just scolded was one of deception; he perceived that really I was already under a mask.

But I wasn't. Because, as I gracefully flitted into the hall, I was stunned, overwhelmed by the utter handsomeness of who must have been Lord Lu Bu. The fact that the room had seemed to halt in time, and actions had come to a complete standstill gave me a particularly brief moment to survey to two visitors and revel in the manly-testosteroney-yummy-glory which I so rarely got a chance to appreciate. Wow, I'm such a typical girl.

I figured that the man, standing slightly proud, on the left, was Lord Lu Bu. He was particularly regal; looking very much like every young girl's dream of a knight in shining armour. His figure was… slim, but at the same time he was impeccably well-built. I knew perfectly well that underneath the cloth guards he wore that honed muscles took up a large percentage of his build.

In contrast to the larger, burly man beside him, whom I had dismissed to be his bodyguard, his features were sharp, though at the same time he managed to keep his expression soft; a calm smile inhibited his lips which honestly looked as if it never departed, and his eyes were grey-blue mysterious pools set above strong cheekbones.

A thin moustache and goatee accompanied his looks, set above thin peachy lips, which certainly only he could have gotten away with – the look on other people had often made me let loose a giggle upon sight. If I was being totally true to myself, he looked… well, dashing? And yes, I did indeed cringe inwardly as I thought that word in my head.

I took a few steps forward, awkwardly, and bowed slightly to the two men. The scrutiny directed upon me from my father burnt right through to my soul, and, feeling the uneasiest I had ever had the misfortune to feel, I raised my head once again to give a believable, however fakely humble smile up into the eyes of Lu Bu and his bodyguard.

I only actually just managed to catch the grimace which very nearly swept across my features as I did so – his bodyguard was goggle-eyeing me as if I was a particularly scrumptious looking bowl of chicken-fried noodles. Lord Lu Bu himself surveyed me with the utmost care, his facial features giving nothing away. This was going to be harder than I had originally dreamt…

"Diao Chan!" Yun's sharp clap of his old, knotted hands clicked me swiftly from my ponderings. "You can go and help preparing the food for our guests, and then bring it through." Goodness, his wide-eyed 'get the point?' glower was so obvious that it surprised me the seemingly critical eyes of Lu Bu had not sussed us there and then.

My small smile betrayed no emotion. "Of course," I softly uttered, gazing up at the pair from underneath a gentle, well-placed sweep of my long eyelashes. "A pleasure to meet you." Excusing myself, I danced off to the kitchen, skirt flowing delicately in my wake.

I knew all too well that my exit was watched carefully by every man in the room, and mentally applauded myself as I skitted across to the counter to take over the job of chopping the remaining vegetables.

As I washed, chopped and arranged, I brooded over the subject of our visitors, wondering why Lord Lu Bu had in fact not come alone; there was no need for his bodyguard in the safety and comfort of our home… and wasn't this man meant to be one of the strongest, most powerful men in China? That bodyguard looked like no pushover – he was tall, burly, menacing. Dressed completely and utterly in the most emotionless black. Two, long, red-feathered garments falling from his also blackened headdress. Blood and absence. Cold. No variety. I shivered involuntarily, not just receiving a chill from the icy breeze which swept through the shutters.

In fact, Lord Lu Bu's 'bodyguard' most definitely fitted the job description than the man himself…

A few minutes passed, and I began to work quieter as I made a thin attempt at listening in on the hum of conversation in the main hall, catching only snippets, my name, several times in fact. One of the men had a loud, deeply growling voice, whilst the other spoke in an authorative, however gentle manner. It was captivating.

"Ouch…" My wandering mind had lead me to misplace my finger on the chopping board, and a deep gash had formed on the tip. The pain was not in fact as irritating as the scarlet liquid which oozed from the strike, flowing to stain my robes. Damn.

I had been brought up to ignore any pain. It was psychological; Yun had often said, 'it is one of the minor things in life that we must cast aside for our greater dreams'.

"Is everything alright?"

Out of the corner of my hawk-like vision, I was shocked to notice that Lord Lu Bu had entered the kitchens; his posture now uncertain, his misty eyes wavering to my hands.

Under the heat of his scrutiny I hastily pulled my sleeve down over said injured hand with a minimal shake of my head, raising my eyebrows ever so in the motion which suggested that there was no need to worry. My heart argued, whispering that in fact, there was.

"Yes, thankyou." I chimed in the most dulcet of tones that I could conjure up, though panic began to froth inside me as he stepped ever closer. His face was painted with a mocking disbelief, obviously having caught sight of the blood seeping through my pale, silky sleeve. The kindness startled me as he reached for my arm, which was most definitely now shaking crazily.

Becoming a bundle of nerves was _not_ originally what I had planned for my carefully thought out infiltration. This man was spoiling my agenda…

"May I?"

His gentle question surprised me even further, my abrupt nod in response barely noticed as his calm hand enclosed upon my forearm and delicately lifted away my sleeve.

I found myself frowning, ever so slightly, as his eyes traced a path across the wound, my heart beginning to thump noticeably louder as his fingers traced across the back of my palm, skin bumping softly against skin. How could this man have possibly murdered his own adopted father? How could such a gentle creature be a feared warrior with no compassion except for his steed and concubines alone?

I decided to attempt a little of my own investigating, feeling rather skilful.

"I. um, I've heard a lot about you." Ha, the timid awe often does the trick.

His own surprise matched mine, as his brow furrowed and his eyes shot up to meet my perceptive gaze in disbelief. "… You have?"

I nodded eagerly, turning the corner of my lip slightly, trying not to be affected by the response which I was pretty sure I had misheard. The two words I had caught did not seem to be what I was searching for. Where was the arrogance, the self-centered sense of self-deprecation?

"Yes a – ow..." My acting was severed pitifully as the thin piece of material he had cut from the hem of my sleeve now bound round my finger, eased the pain out. I scolded myself mentally. An amateur's mistake.

"Whoops… just hold the cloth around the wound for a while, it'll be as good as new if you leave it bound for a few days, and change it every half a day…" My heart swooned pathetically, of its own accord, as he reassured me and gave a small smile which still managed to reach to his beautiful eyes…

"Liao!"

The gruff voice from the main hall caused us both to jolt and whip our heads round to face the doorway; our astonishment both realisation that we had momentarily forgotten that there was a world outside our little kitchen-space.

Liao…?

"Oh, yes," the man who I had thought was Lu Bu, was must have actually… not… eh? Anyway, he turned to me and let go of my hand gently, placing it back onto the kitchen counter; a noticeable distance away from the sharp knife which had before been my downfall. The fingers now felt numb, disconnected from his caring touch.

"Sorry," he continued, inclining his head with a grin, "I didn't introduce myself before. I am Zhang Liao. Nice to meet you, Diao Chan."

And in a flurry of a bow, and the swish of robes, he had exited the kitchenette, leaving myself standing very much alone beside the counter, my cheeks painted with embarrassed blush and my head pounding with insults, all directed to my own little stupid self.

Who in the world was Zhang Liao? Of what importance could he possibly be?

* * *

For the rest of the afternoon, all I could do was dance about the hall serving drinks and food, in a not needed attempt to catch those thin, menacing eyes of The Real Lord Lu Bu. My acting and sly flutters of my eyelashes were all in vain, however – because he had carefully picked me out of the girls already, and I knew that the first puppet in our plan had been successfully ensnared; Lu Bu could not take his eyes of me.

But then again, neither could _Zhang Liao_.

And suddenly, that prospect scared me. Because an inkling of thought hidden away in my mind nagged me. It told me, in a desperate whisper, 'he knows…' and I believed it. The way his misty, perceptive gaze followed me every so often about the hall as I danced from kitchen to table, back and forth out of sight and into vision, confirmed that he knew of our plan. I just wondered how long it would be until he voiced his opinion. He seemed particularly close to Lu Bu; and I knew in my heart of hearts, that however beautiful and ensnaring I could force myself to be, he would always believe his best friend over a mere woman.

The contract was signed without a moment's hesitation. I was to be sent along to Lord Lu Bu's residence in Luo Yang in less than a week; to be ready to serve and captivate in all ways possible. He kissed my hand as he left, he eyes lingering across mine in a way which did in fact scare me crazy, though which I had to reply to with a flash of my curling eyelashes and a promise that I would indeed look forward to meeting him again in a few days.

It wasn't the back of his head which I followed for as long as I possibly could when I watched them disappear from sight out of the window, it was Zhang Liao's.


	4. 3

Just a short'un for you ^^. I am so stressed out it actually hurts. I hate recording equipment with a passion. Anyone want to give me some advice? You're welcome to. Sorry about the shortness. Have started writing the next chapter and it should be up pretty soon.

Thanks my lovelies. xx

I poked the sleeping body with a timid, shaking finger, my nail jabbing into the pink squishy flesh of Dong Zhuo's cheek underneath his eye. I squirmed inwardly at the touch and suddenly felt quite disgusted. There was no movement, sound, or protest at my daring little action; though I'd hardly expected any retaliation, the lardy old man had been out like a baby for as long as I could remember, and the only sounds which had been there for comfort during a sleepless, maddening night were his obnoxious hefty snores, and believe me, by the time golden light slipped through the window on the far side of the room, the irritable pig-breaths had faded into the atmosphere. Servants, maids, dancers and officials alike had been scurrying past the wooden sliding doors since first light; though I'd never felt so alone. I pushed up from the bed and let my silky hair fall softly over my shoulders, dropping to place in the small of my back. The cold morning made me shiver as I reached delicately for the robe hanging over the wicker chair by the window and wrapping it about myself; the effect was instant and I suddenly felt warmer. I glanced back to the bed where the sheets heaved several inches before drooping down in time to a grunting snore and curled my lip in distaste. A morning walk in the sun would solve everything.

Stepping out onto the wooden patio outside Dong Zhuo's room granted me a little shiver of contentment. The cool air practically hit me as I entered the great outdoors; a beautiful contrast to the stuffy room I left behind.

The gardens, which spread for miles and miles in front of me, were practically deserted. Whilst servants aplenty fussed about inside, I had this whole small country of bamboo, birch trees and pink clouds of colour all to myself; and I revelled in it.

I spent a good hour treading softly amongst the dewy blades of grass – enjoying the fact that no one could actually see my bed-head look, night-robes on and make-up, long forgotten about, smudged across my face.

I wondered what Yun was doing…

The past few days had been a complete blur of absolute irrelevance. I had been whisked away to this estate in the blink of an eye, barely able to give my father a disgusted grimace as I had clapped eyes on the sleeping beauty whom I had just abandoned. Dong Zhuo was not on my top-ten-men list, and seducing the oaf was not something I had particularly enjoyed doing.

And I hadn't seen Zhang Liao once since my arrival.

My stomach churned and released a million butterflies as I pondered this; but it was the mysterious, lithe friend of Lu Bu whom I had actually been straining to see. I felt ashamed, but it was all I had thought about - just catching a glimpse of him for but a second…

"Lady Chan…"

Oh God.

A huge, muscled man stepped into my path, stomping onto a large patch of rather pretty white lilies, goggling my obvious bewilderment and unfortunate dress situation.

"Lord Lu Bu," I blushed behind a curtain of hair – entirely real, I hated being in the presence of people when I wasn't properly made up.

Stamping about on the lilies a bit longer, ignoring my cringe, Lu Bu, clad in training cut offs and a baggy, khaki long sleeved shirt, turned to walk beside me. I made an attempt at ignoring his frequent glances over our shoulders back to the estate, but failed.

"Wang Yun promised that you would be sent along to me… how did Dong Zhuo ever intervene in this?" His thoughts aloud made my blood boil… I hated being spoken of as purely an object of affection.

"He was passing in our village yesterday; Wang Yun invited him in, only thinking of his high position… I did not mean to be seen… but that man does not take no for an answer…" I pretended to be mournful, and though my attempt was little more than pathetic, Bu practically steamed with rage.

"Disgusting man…"

I let the cogs of his mind whirr for a little, and turned my view to the battlements in the distance. Soldiers stood silhouetted against the early morning sun, patrolling the walls and inspecting the grounds. As we walked closer, my newly adapted sixth sense caught a high – and I realised that one of the patrolling soldiers was Zhang Liao…

I nearly had a little fit.

"I can't let him see me like this!" I blurted out, my train of thought switching course to my big mouth.

"Sorry, what?"

I had cut Lu Bu off mid-ramble, interrupting his violent curses against Dong Zhuo as we walked.

I backtracked with such vivacity that Wang Yun would have been proud. "If Dong Zhuo sees me with you, he'll surely be mad. I need to er…"

My backtracking wasn't so much tracking as tripping and falling. "…um… we'll have to meet in secret!"

I gathered up my skirts and attempted to make a run for it, though being elegant, witty, embarrassed and seductive at the same time is a pretty hefty job.

Lu Bu stared after me incredulously, before grasping the concept. "Oh…of course, I'll send an envoy to notify you…"

Eh? Where was the delicate romance in an envoy? And he surely shouldn't be notifying me, as much as climbing up my window (though the panelling of the walls probably wouldn't take his bulk…) and declaring his need for me?

I just grimaced to myself and pranced off into a nearby bush, full of bright red roses to camouflage my fiery cheeks, alight with humiliation.

And they say that men find me graceful.


	5. 4

I stayed there, rooted to the grassy mound in that little rose bush just a little longer. Such an escapists action, I huddled my knees up and rested my chin daintily on the caps, letting out a low breath, soaking up the warm breeze which filtered through the leaves. Lu Bu had long stalked away, though I felt the need to just be alone, be myself, rake my nails through the healthy soil underneath me, mumble about my unfortunate position which I had all too inevitably landed myself in.

"Are you a fairy?"

The little whisper stunned me, and I turned my neck curiously to eye up the creature which had just spoken.

A tiny little girl crouched underneath the canopy of bush nearby, possibly aged eight or nine, her expensive looking robes muddy and grass-stained to within an inch of their short life. Silky black hair, knotted with leaves and twigs, and the widest brown eyes, large and beautiful as the full moon, stared at me with awe.

I giggled softly, my voice still low to avoid detection. "No, I'm just being silly and hiding away here. Why do you say that?" Turning to face her, I smiled lightly at her hesitation.

"Mother said that fairies are beautiful and hide away from people because they're ashamed to show their faces. They live in bushes like this." She screwed up her face in irritation, her button nose wrinkling, "I was looking for some, but I found you instead. You're a bit bigger than I would expect a fairy to be," she shrugged, as if weighing up the chances of my being a mythical creature against me being average old Diao Chan, then added as a little afterthought, "plus you don't have wings."

"That's true," I whispered softly, "if I did I would fly away from this place, and be free."

The little girl cocked her head to a side, "are you sad?"

"No." I shook my head, and then frowned, "I just have a funny feeling."

And she nodded slowly as if she entirely understood. "I think you must be the new girl, I do."

"Yes, I'm staying here long enough…" I sighed mid-sentence, finishing the little statement in my head, _long enough to cause damage and wreck peoples lives…_

"Well I'm Mei. Pleased to meet you." A hand was stuck out, and a little gap tooth smile made me chuckle.

Shaking the hand, I said, "I'm Diao Chan. Do you live with your family in the estate?"

She nodded so fast that her silky hair became a blur of jet black. "My father is a fighting person in Dong Zhuo's army…"

"A soldier…"

"Yep."

"Do you get to see him at all?"

She stuck her tongue slightly out of the corner of her mouth, searching her mind for an answer. "Sometimes… I don't know him very well…" she perked up as she finished, "maybe you can meet him one day."

We both gave each other wide smiles.

"I'd love to."

* * *

I ate my meal so quickly that I'm surprised I didn't throw up all over the beautiful wooden table, intricately patterned, much like the chairs, the wall panels, and everything else in the room. Dong Zhuo was definitely one for going completely over the top with his attempts to impress, and the bigwig interior design made me feel simple and second rate, despite my beautiful eveningwear and perfected make-up, which I knew I didn't need.

A wide, yellow-stained grin, gross and intimidating, managed to successfully put me off the last few grains of rice I was about to shovel into my mouth, and my shoulders drooped as I rested my left hand, clad with chopsticks, on the side of my plate. I frowned down at my nails critically, searching them for a get-out clause.

A single grain of rice fell from my chopsticks onto my lilac silk skirt; though I reacted such that it could have been Dong Zhuo throwing his own food down my garments.

"Oh no!" I wearily pretended to care of nothing else than my own clumsiness, and shook my head about in dismay. "That's disgusting. I must go and change…"

Zhuo raised an eyebrow, and then gave a nonchalant grunt. The servant nearest the table rolled his eyes, eyeing the 'mess' I'd made distastefully.

"Fine, you're excused." Zhuo huffed, ignoring my apologies and just continuing to stuff his face full of food, grotesque in his manner.

I couldn't exit the room quickly enough, jumping from my seat as if I'd been jabbed by a spear, power-walking through the corridors beyond in such a manner that my feet begged to break into a run.

Practically collapsing behind my door, which slammed to a shut at my back, I slid down the woodwork and dropped my face to my hands, curling tight into my knees and letting out the longest sigh I've breathed for a while.

Acting was tiring.

I'd been in the estate three days. Three days? That was nothing. And I was drained from trying to be what everyone wanted me to be, what I had actually tricked myself into thinking I could fake. I was ready to give up, to saunter back downstairs to that huge, beautifully decorated dining hall, and announce to Dong Zhuo that I was actually part of a one-man plot to get him killed, that I was pretending to be involved with his most trusted adopted son, who quite resembled a grouchy, oversized lobster, and that whenever I heard just soft mumblings of the name Zhang Liao, my heart burst into a thousand butterflies.

Well I was in a bit of a pickle.

Suddenly, a swift rapping of knuckles on my door caused me to jump several metres into the air, and I scrambled to a standing position in seconds, arranging my clothes and brushing at the patch where the rice had fallen, composing myself. A deep breath followed, and a fake smile.

Though as the door swept open, a cold breeze wafting through from the corridor almost instantaneously, my heart burst into a thousand butterflies, as before mentioned.

Upon shock of seeing Zhang Liao at my bedroom door, my expression morphed, abandoning the fake smile to switch to puzzlement, until I remembered I was fake and resorted to much eyelash fluttering and delicate shock.

And he was just stood there, wearing everyday, lofty clothing, looking slightly stunned (and probably afraid, poor guy) of my bipolar facial expression. Thin, dark brown locks of hair messed about his face, half drawn back into a tie at the back of his head. Bare feet. Dazzling eyes.

"Y-yes?" I stammered under the intensity of his officious smile, my hands instantly flying to my hair and grasping at parts which defied perfection.

His confidence and raised eyebrow made me feel like the smaller person, which definitely wasn't the way it was meant to be…

Shaking his head slightly at my opening and closing mouth, reminiscent of a wide-eyed, pampered fish, he rooted about in his trouser pocket. "This is for you."

And he held out a scrap of paper.

I nearly jumped about ten feet in the air, once again, smiling widely at the possibility. A secret scribble proclaiming how he'd come to take me away to some far off, untroubled part of China and save me from this wretched nightmare?

I grabbed at the paper and twinkled my eyes at him. He seemed to be slightly put-off by my haste to unfold it, the parchment was folded carefully and officially, so small that it must have been made for secrecy.

"It's from Lord Lu Bu," he continued, cocking his head to a side, and eyeing the paper, his hands in his pockets.

My head snapped up. What?

Oh.

"You're… you're the envoy…" I slowly stated after a minute, stupidly opening and shutting my mouth once more. I snapped my lips together tight after noticing his absolute awe, and pierced them tight, frowning down at the crumpled parchment, which hung limply from my fingers.

"Oh…"

"Why did you think I was here?"

There was some private, unknown joke behind that dazzling, carefree smile.

"Um…nothing, I…"

"He wants an answer now, you know." He nodded his head toward the paper expectantly.

Still dumbstruck, hurt and slightly annoyed, I just waved him away and turned to my desk to scrawl a reply to Lu Bu's meeting request.

As I elegantly paced the quill across the paper, I could sense Zhang Liao still stood in the doorframe, his light breathing irritating me.

I wondered how I should write my reply. Lu Bu's had been blunt, demanding, cold. I felt slightly disturbed by it – I was so used to a warm, comforting home and family, whilst here, in this huge estate of Dong Zhuo's, everybody being callous and distant to one another.

I hated not being myself.

Scribbling a sufficient answer, I scrunched it into a messy fold and whirled on the spot to turn back to the door.

Though I came face to face with Zhang Liao, who had crossed my room, and now stood just inches away from me. I was taken aback slightly at his forwardness, though it took me a little courage to raise my head to meet his, since he was a good deal taller than myself.

"Excuse me?"

He grinned down at me roguishly, gently taking my wrist containing the paper and holding it up, turning my hand palm up and meeting my eyes mysteriously.

"I know why you're here, you know," he chided, looking down at his hand clasped about my wrist, seeming to relish the contact.

I felt the need to speak, though he saw my lips go to disagree, and shook his head sharply. "I'm not stupid, and I'm cleverer than you think of me. I won't be won over by your charms the way you've captivated Lord Zhuo and Lu Bu."

I glared at him, suddenly irritated, dismayed that someone had seen through my disguise. "Are you going to stop me, then?"

He tightened the grip on my wrist for a second as he considered, eyes still glazed, fixated on our hands.

His eyes snapped up to meet mine. "No."

I let out a breath.

"But… you should consider how tempting it is for me to inform someone… and you know they'd believe me, over yourself."

My heart skipped a beat.

But he seemed to just enjoy teasing me of the idea, and he grabbed the parchment from my hand, letting my wrist drop, limply falling to my side, where it shook, along with the rest of my body.

"Maybe not." He mused, scrunching up the paper and shoving it into his pocket, returning his wicked smile to me. "I'll see."

And with that, he winked with a smirk, and darted from the room.


	6. 5

5

Morning dawned clear and crispy. The rays of sun that filtered through the laced curtains hanging above my balcony were definitely a much-preferred wake-up call than the paranoid wails of Lin which I had grown used to over the years living in my home back with father.

Considered, I missed her.

It's so strange how you can come to have such strong family bonds with the girl who irritates you the most throughout your childhood. Lin had been the burden of the family, the fly on the wall for such a dominant period of time in my life that I really noticed her absence - living without her loud, boisterous and completely attention seeking morning alarms felt unnatural.

Gently sliding out of bed, I gave a little stretch and paced over to the balcony, pushing the laced material covering the view to a side and folding my arms over the railings.

But this area was beautiful – the whole estate was a myriad of wonderful colours; fuchsia roses and pastel pink blossoms, the morning sky was a dusty mist of white foam, the sun hazy through the wispy clouds, which spread, like a duvet, over the silhouette of horizon.

It had been a week since my little escapade with that mischievous Liao – and it had definitely not been an easy one. Every time I saw him in conversation with either Lu Bu himself, or that disgusting Dong Zhuo, I'd felt my insides turn to lead and drop heavily, like a weight.

However Bu continued to stomp about and complain about how his Lord and Master came between our love, and Zhuo continued to lust after my presence in a way reminiscent of a dog in need of water.

So there had been no treachery – Liao had obviously stuck to his witty little line about keeping the big secret to himself, though whatever was causing him to keep his mouth shut, I had no idea.

* * *

It didn't take long to change, hastening myself as I drew on delicate lashes of make-up, hurrying out of my bedroom door and clicking it to a shut gently behind me. I wasn't particularly keen on the idea of meeting either of the leeches this morning, and I knew that if I stayed in my chamber for too long that morning, one of them would have ventured down the corridor to find me.

Stepping out into the beautiful dream of a garden, I heard a shrill little squeak behind me.

"It's my fairy!"

I turned to see the young Mei running toward me, a glow of childish innocence and happiness, an epitome of untainted life.

"Hello Mei," I smiled, crouching down gently to my knees to greet the young girl, "I'm glad to see you again."

She nodded, sniffing a little and taking a breath, panting from her sprint towards me across the grass.

A woman stepped out of the door behind her, twisting her long black hair into a bun at the back of her head. "Mei?"

She spied the pair of us on the grass and beamed. "Oh, sorry about my daughter. She saw you leave your room and had to follow you," Mei's mother walked closer to us, dressing robes trailing gently over the tops of the grass blades. "She likes making new friends."

I stood to acknowledge her, and Mei grinned at the pair of us with rays of sun dancing in her pupils. "Where's daddy?"

The mother rolled her eyes, then gave me a look through deep green pupils. "He'll be along shortly Mei, you know he doesn't have much time for us right now." She shook her head slowly and sighed.

My heart chipped a little then. It's definitely a sad thing when a father doesn't have time for his own family. I took a second to survey Mei's mother – feeling a little sorry for her. Pale skin shone against the suns harsh light, sharp features gave her a look of faded beauty, and laughter lines around her small eyes indicated a happy relationship with her daughter. She was tall, taller than me at least, with a slender figure, complimented by the silky garments, which hugged around a small waist.

"Daddy!" Mei screeched, her eyes growing wider in excitement, little pearly teeth breaking into a huge grin.

"Mei!" Her mother scolded gently, though she could not help smiling also, seeing the obvious delight of her child.

I turned to meet Mei's father, curiosity taking over.

And my heart stopped.

He trudged through the grass, squashing various delicate flowers painfully underfoot as he approached, drawing to a halt as his daughter ran towards him with chubby, outstretched arms, which reached for something she could never truly have.

Awkwardly, Lu Bu held his daughter away at an arms length, patting her on the head in a way which suggested he did not particularly know Mei. She stared up at his huge bulk, blatantly disappointed. Mei rubbed her nose awkwardly and gestured to me.

"Have you met my fairy, dad?"

My eyes fell to the floor. Occupying myself with staring at a particular leaf which had fallen, lonely, to the grass, I felt the tension begin to radiate from both our bodies.

A grunt. "Diao Chan? This is my wife, Lady Lu…"

I snapped my head up again, drawing regretfully away from my leaf with a sinking feeling lowering my gut. The smile had faded from Mei's mother's face, and now she just stared, disdain smeared, stained, across her pale features. She turned up her nose, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh. I see. You are Diao Chan."

Lu Bu shuffled awkwardly with his feet, frowning at the pair of us, as if trying to set things right in his head before setting them right in the reality.

Lady Lu looked at her husband.

Her stare was one which mixed so many painful emotions – it made me rethink things. She obviously loved Lu Bu – because the torture in her expression was apparent. A mixture of grief, pain and want. It broke my heart, and tears welled inside my eyes. Was this the ending I was doomed to have? One similar of Lady Lu's?

"Oh look, a butterfly!" Mei sang, as a flapping little burst of colour landed on her nose. The tension was broken, the painful moment gone.

I excused myself, and turned from the couple, hastening to run away, as far away as possible.

I don't think they even noticed me leave, so wrapped up as they were in their little mental argument.

I wanted out. It had been a matter of months, and already I was breaking, breaking like Lu Bu's wife herself, a shattered woman who had once been something glorious, something wise.

So I ran, and I kept running, straight into the orchard, where peasants climbed up their ladders and plucked apples from the delicate trees, their branches swaying gently in the autumn wind. Some of them stared at me, some muttered to one another as I sprinted on, already out of breath. I crossed the marble bridge which led over the flowing brook, glistening like a torrent of diamonds in the morning glare of sun. Under a canopy of leaves, a ceiling of trees, I slowed my pace, as I saw, up ahead of me, a wall.

It was the wall that ran all the way around the estate, enclosing, guarding, imprisoning. Too high to climb. No nicks or holes in it which could be used as an escape route.

I wearily stumbled over to it, and banged against the warm rock with two frail fists, my head falling against the stone, my body collapsing from exhaustion.

A gentle breath in and out.

"Is everything alright?"

I turned painfully where I rested against the wall, mouth slightly open, panting from weariness.

Zhang Liao stood just a few metres away, clad in armour, halfway through undertaking his daily inspection.

I thought about faking for a second.

Then I realized that this was the only man within a five hundred metre radius that I could truly ever be myself around.

"No. I'm not."

He nodded, and then took tentative steps toward where I leant, coming to a stop not a foot away from me. "Don't worry," he reassured, everything will get better.

I widened my eyes and went onto telling him about my little mornings adventure.

He considered for a second after I had finished my story, folding his arms and raising an eyebrow in that charming way of his. "Well look at it this way. It can't get any worse, can it?"

A small laugh escaped my throat, however I ended up giving a chesty cough as the strenuous run which I had recently undertaken came back to haunt me.

My eyes met with his for a second, and he seemed to consider something. A quick glance around the forest in which we stood, and then, not hesitantly, he took a gentle hold of my shoulders and pulled me tightly into an embrace.

I relished the contact, breathing in his warm, musky scent. It reminded me of candles and evenings spent by the fire, a comforting enclosure.

Strong arms wrapped around my neck, and fingers snaked into the silky confines of my hair.

I let out a little breath, and with it, released the tension I had been wanting to rid myself of since meeting with Lu Bu and his wife just a while ago. Maybe this day had not been a complete disaster?


	7. 6

Oh myyy goodness. When was the last time I added to this story? No idea. Before I begin this chapter (which I must say; is in no way planned; this story is very much start typing, see where it goes – what can I say, creative outlets!) I want to apologise to anyone that is reading this; and to anyone who has read this before, reviewed, etc. I started writing this story two years ago; there are 6 chapters here. The gaps between the posting of chapters are increasing everytime I publish. I'm dreadful at keeping stories updated and at the moment, my life seems to be going in each and every direction (no excuse chloe, no excuse). Sorry I ramble so much. Sorry, because you readers deserve to be given updates when you review my stories with such lovelovelove!

Enough of all that. Sorry, again. Sorry for saying sorry too much. I'm making a not-quite-halfway-through-the-year resolution which is that I will get back into this story and update regularly – if anyone actually reads this anymore! I must say that exams, sport, social life.. and my yummy new boyfriend are taking up a lot a lot of my time – I need a little creative outlet etcetc.

Shut up Chloe – thankyou beautiful people – I re-read my reviews and I want to let you all know there is a lot of love in the room for you little confidence boosters you.

Oh and Grace, thanks a million. You cheeky little guilt-tripper.

Right, you've heard enough from me now.

* * *

"You've never given me any space! I need room to grow and pursue my own goals; you're obsessed with asserting yourself upon weak peasants and hoarding gold and land! I am NOT your tool – "

"I have RAISED you for the most part, and you repay me with… with…-"

"Wanting to get out of this ridiculous castle?"

"Lu Bu! Your insolence amazes me – when I have complete control of the land; with those ridiculous peasants at my expense, you won't need to have any kind of aspiration – "

"I HAVE MY OWN GOALS!"

"AND WHAT EXACTLY DO THEY INVOLVE?"

"FINDING THE STRONGEST OPPONENT!"

"OH HERE WE GO, ANOTHER SELF-OBSESSED RAMPAGE…"

"I DESERVE IT! I DESERVE HER, TOO! DIAO CHAN!"

…

"DIAO CHAN!"

The second I realised I was being addressed, my heart sank a little. I looked up wearily from my hands and bit my lip from where I was sat at the dining table. I was smack in the middle of the conflict, with these two… 'grown' men fighting in the most childish manner, waging war from opposite ends of the table.

"Um, yes, sorry?" My voice quivered slightly and I took a deep breath.

Lu Bu was bright red in the face (the situation could have been comical if the two men weren't so ominous), staring at me in anger from my left. His fists were clenched on the table, his huge torso leaning threateningly over the ornate surface; every inch of his body radiating rage. Dong Zhuo mirrored him exactly; though his face was a more grotesque display of irritation; bottom lip curled in distaste, tiny, piggy eyes narrowed devilishly.

"Do I not deserve you?" I was asked, fervently, by Lu Bu, who now leaned in my direction, shoulders hunched, his features a little softer now that he looked upon me. I didn't answer for a second and ended up opening and closing my mouth like some kind of strange fish. Hmm. Attractive.

"Er… well…"

"SEE! She prefers ME." I now had Dong Zhuo's full attention, and I instantly regretted taking the seat closest to him at the table, as his huge body turned in his chair and I caught a distinct whiff of foul breath – a mix of beef and dated granary bread.

So I had been caught in the crossfire. This was the inevitable problem of my job; I had to witness the break-down of a family and worst of all, feel like the main cause of its undoing. Don't misunderstand me; the pair of men were both as bad as each other; Dong Zhuo was as disgustingly tyrannical as Lu Bu was ridiculously trivial, however no family deserves to have an irrelevant girl such as myself come between them.

"I… I…" What could I possibly say? The man whom I preferred was not present at the table; he was out in the nearby village, running errands for Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu, which they should really be undertaking themselves. To be honest, it was probably not the best idea to admit this little revelation to either of them (it had taken enough resolve to say it out loud to myself), since somehow I felt that there was a little cloud of self-obsession wafting around the two men.

So I bowed my head to the table and continued to chew on my lip, my hands fiddling with the folds of my new dress, which fell delicately on my lap.

I had finally admitted to myself that I had indeed fallen for a man who most certainly was not in that way inclined towards me. And in all honesty, this was a rare occurrence. In fact; I had never wanted what I could not have. I was so used to men practically throwing themselves at my feet; demanding that I be theirs, showering me with gifts in an attempt to make me follow them home.

Maybe this was the reason I was so irrevocably drawn to Zhang Liao? He was the object of my desire – life lessons have demonstrated particularly well to me that it is human nature to desire what we cannot have; and if and when we ever acquire that, our desires move onto the next unobtainable element. Zhang Liao was the epitome of mystery and temptation; and I found that for once, I didn't yearn to be bathed in compliments, to be bought the finest dresses and accessories – I just wanted to be with the man himself. I just wanted to be in his presence, nearby him – we wouldn't even have to be doing anything in particular; no passion or sociability, I just desperately craved his company. I had a feeling that if I was with him in such a way, it would simply make me happy. I needed a little happiness right now.

"SEE? YOU'VE UPSET HER…"

"ME? ME?"

I rolled my eyes and sat back a little in my chair, looking around the room for some kind of escape route; the servant by the doors gave me a knowing little look and shook his head gently. There was a little mental sympathy shared, as our food was carted in by another. It was going to be a long supper.

* * *

Tea is an absolute godsend. I'm not exactly sure what I would do without that steaming broth inside a mug; perfectly shaped so you can clutch it to your chest and just inhale the beautiful vapours when you're in need of a little warmth.

I looked over at my adoptive father, Wang Yun, from the rim of my cup. "Yes, it's started – they were arguing at the dinner table last night! It was dreadful." I sighed, and frowned into the tea.

Yun was elated in contrast. "Chan, this is brilliant. Soon enough, Lu Bu will drive Dong Zhuo out. This will be the end of all the tyranny! Can you imagine what will happen when we have a just and rightful ruler over this land?" He looked up at the ceiling, his face lit with positive happiness; a beaming smile plastered across his face. "Lin can get a proper maid's job, you could even go to Lady Guo's girls school."

"Hmm."

There was a little pause in the conversation, interrupted by the particularly un-ladylike slurping of tea from yours truly. I ignored Yun's little tut – I was visiting home for the first time in months, and to hell with being ladylike and delicate. In the presence of my real family, real warmth, I was able to let myself go for a few hours.

Yun surveyed me for a second, eyebrows lowered, eyes narrowed. He makes that face when he's trying to work me out; and I must say, apart from the fact that it makes him go dreadfully cross-eyed, he was always incredibly successful in sussing me. "You seem very… passive today, Chan."

I gave a tired smile and pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, stretching back in my chair a little with comfort, "I'm just weary, father."

"Yes but… you seem… different. You've changed, Chan."

My smile faded, I looked down at my cup stubbornly. "Yes, that's true."

I was hoping that my statement would cause him to leave the conversation, the drop the subject quickly. I didn't want any kind of interrogation; I'd had enough of these from Dong Zhuo over the past few days; all centered around suspicions of a relationship with Lu Bu. I was bored of questioning. All talk, no action.

"Is there anything you want to tell me about?"

I looked straight up from my cup for a second and stared him dead in the eyes; really relishing the eye contact. There are times in life when you're bursting with this sort of… revelation, I suppose. Something has occurred in your life and you just have to tell someone; just have to ramble about what's on your mind, so that you, yourself, can find out what exactly it is that's going on inside it.

Yun was my father, my refuge. If I couldn't elaborate to him about my feelings, then who was there possibly who could take his place?

"There's a man working in the army; he is Lu Bu's best friend, his confidant. I've been speaking to him whenever I bump into him around the palace…" I started my little speech slowly, not quite knowing how to tackle this rather large obstacle of telling Yun all about these 'feelings'. My nervousness and anxiety however, gave me confidence; adrenalin coursed through me as I talked of Zhang Liao; and I spoke of him with a respect and knowing which I don't think I have ever beheld of anyone before. "He makes me happy; and I've never met anyone quite like him. He's so strong… he's clever and I think that… I think that he likes me for who I am. Myself – when there's no act and there's no discipline, everything is completely natural when I'm with him…"

So have you ever reviewed something you've just said in your mind and thought… 'oh. I really should have rephrased that before I said it'? Well this was the problem. And from Yun's facial expression, I could tell that he'd gotten the wrong end of the stick; and at least I had told him just a little too much.

He registered the information a second, frowning, placing his cup down on the table beside his chair. Leaning forward where he sat, he clasped his hands together in aggressive earnest, something I had never really seen him do before. There was an intent in his eyes, and he searchingly looked into the misty-eyed expression which was betraying my happiness.

"Chan, does he know of our plan? And what exactly is the relationship that you have with this man?"

"Oh, wait… no, he…"

"I hope you haven't done anything immoral…"

"Immoral?" Immoral? I nearly laughed at the particularly ironic use of the adjective. I think I might have done actually, because my voice was bursting with disbelief when I addressed my father. "Of course I haven't, Yun! He is simply a friend… do you honestly think that I would…" I searched around for the right word hastily, getting out of my chair swiftly and putting my hands on my hips, staring down at Yun with annoyance. "…jeopardize this mission when I know how much it means to you?"

"Chan, I don't like the way you speak about this man…"

"Why?" My mouth had dropped open into an 'o', and I wrung my hands beside my hips with frustration. "Is it because I've finally found that maybe I care about someone in a way which doesn't involve throwing myself upon them till they wine me, dine me, bed me, and are done with me? Is that how it is? Am I not allowed to even consider some kind of adult relationship?"

Yun had shot out of his chair and stepped closer to me, a head taller, and definitely a figure of much more presence. He looked down at my indignant frame with a disgusted look. "Don't be so ridiculous, Chan. Your main focus, and purpose, at this moment in time, is to create a rift between…"

"I know! I know!" I interrupted breathily, trying as hard as I may not to be intimidated by Yun's glare, not to be broken by the heat and tense atmosphere which I found myself in, for the first time ever, which the one who I called father. "You've told me, hundreds of times! But is that really all I am to you? Just a tool?"

He looked down and let a breath out through his nose, as if trying to contain anger, suppressing a violent outburst. I dropped my tone, whispering now. "Or are you worried I'm going to get hurt? Is that it?"

A sigh. He shook his head, then looked up at me with a raised eyebrow. I continued, "Because I already am. This ridiculous mission has hurt me. It's _broken_ me. Somehow I have a feeling that Liao may be able to fix what's broken. Is that such a bad thing? Isn't that how you felt with Jia?"

"Don't talk about her." Yun snapped, irritable. I'd touched a nerve.

There was a little silence, I shrugged my shoulders and felt myself deflate a little, breathing out, attempting to shake off the tight, tense atmosphere which had arisen in the room of the house.

"Go up to your room, please." Yun quietly ordered.

"Father…"

"Now."

Right people, more by the end of the week. x


	8. 7

I awoke at some ridiculous time in the morning; due to an intent smell of burning. Not a sensuous aroma, the type which you receive from a warm sumptuous log fire, but a sticky, sweaty burning, accompanied with a horrifically unpleasant tone, recognizably of burnt meat. I struggled to pull my head up from the pillow, leaning up on an elbow to peer out from the bed. Dong Zhuo stirred beside me, grunting loudly and rolling over to face me and his eyes opened slowly, to narrow slits.

'Chan.' A statement, gruff.

'Yes?'

He roughly gave me a shove so that I nearly toppled from the bed. I caught myself and collected myself before turning back to face him, my pursed smile concealing pure hatred. 'Yes my Lord?'

'Go see what that positively putrid smell is… and hurry up.'

Stepping gently from the bed, I nodded curtly and made to leave the room; noticing at once just how warm it had become; the atmosphere was parched, thirsty, whilst outside I was sure I could hear voices, frantic footsteps.

'I'll be waiting for you…' Zhuo growled just before I left the room, in a way which I assumed was meant to be seductive. Egh.

Stepping out into the corridor, that whiff of scorched meat returned and nearly knocked me over. It was disgusting, nauseating, and the heat out here was even more itense, in fact it was so vivid I could almost see the fires it conjured up in my mind…

But there was fire. It licked the beautiful panelled walls of the palace in an almost loving way; caressing them to destruction, singing their woes as the floorboards above me creaked in agony. For some reason, my reaction was to run down the corridor, towards the fire, where I knew my friends; the servants of this palace lived. Panic rose up in my chest as I realised that they would be in the bulk of the tragedy; accommodation with thatched roofs, rooms piled up nearly on top of each other in their proximity. I sprinted down the hall, ignoring the heat, which was blistering, searing it's way into my body, stinging my eyes as tears formed and leaked from within.

I could hear people running above me, around me, but could see no one. Where were they? Was anyone managing an escape? What was happening? Mindless thoughts such as this overwhelmed my brain, tickling my imagination as I pictured poor little Mei stuck in her room with no way out, screeching for help.

I had to find someone, anyone.

"Hello!' It came out in a croak; the heat had torched my throat, my lungs, I gasped for air as the fire intensified. Now I could hear screaming.

I screamed back, 'Hello? Anyone?' I was crying, running down this endless corridor which seemed to know no bounds; a hall which I had walked for the past few months without stopping to think of its relevance… now it was holding me prisoner, just as in a dream where you run and run and run, but you never reach your destination.

And suddenly, finally, I turned a corner, crashing into Lu Bu. We collapsed in a heap, he, holding me in his arms before he realised who I was. Viciously, he dragged me to my feet. His face was a mixture of emotion; anger, hate, pain…

'Diao Chan! You need to get out… now. I have to deal with Dong Zhuo. Go back this way, you can escape through the kitchens if you hurry… I will meet you when I have finished…'

'Finished? Finished what? What's going on? We have to help everyone, we have to get everyone out!'

'No, its over now, Diao Chan… I did this… I did this to rid the world of Dong Zhuo and his foul underlings…'

I was shocked into silence. My eyes widened and I nearly lost all control of my body as I felt a huge weight crash down on me. 'What?' I couldn't believe it.

'You… you set this fire?'

'Yes… it was my only chance! I have to kill him… now!' He struggled to push past me, although I conjured up strength unknown to me to push him back.

'Please Bu… he's unarmed… in his bed! You can't do that to him! It's not honourable! Don't do this… please…' I was crying, pleading, my hair dry from the fire, my face wet with tears, sweat mingling with perfume. Around us, I could hear screams intensifying, the crashing of beams, walls, the whole palace was being brought to its knees. That smell caught my attention again as I heard another painful cry from someone so close… and then I realised; it was the smell of burning flesh.

I let out a loud cry and grasped Lu Bu's shoulders in desperation… getting everyone out alive was so much more important than his silly adolescent conquest!

'Please… please Bu…' I was pleading, struggling, but it was making no difference. Lu Bu was set, and he shoved me aside as I collapsed on the floor once again, yelling at me to escape, he ran off down the corridor, clasping a sword, wiping sweat from his brow in indignation. I could not stop him now.

My energy had evaporated with just about every other liquid in this place. My throat was dry. On my knees, I watched, my vision blurred, as my new home came down around me. I attempted a shout, nothing came from within. I was empty of everything, my passion, my voice. Why? Because I was worthless. This whole escapade was of my doing. The horrific screams and desperate cries of those around me, those who I couldn't quite reach, were my doing. I deserved to die here much more than Dong Zhuo himself.

I made no attempt to move. It was over. I welcomed the heat, the caress of the flames against my skin. I could smell my hair, singed, burnt. My beauty was worth nothing if my honour and my loyalty was not intact. The heat was overpowering… I felt myself falling to the warm ground, welcoming the comfort after such weariness…

'Chan? Chan! What on earth are you doing? Get up! Get up!'

My knight in shining armour…?

The cold air hit me as I sat up from the fresh and dewy grass; a welcome contrast from the sweaty and heated adventures of just a few hours ago.

I had been asleep on the ground for quite some time. As I stood up and turned to look behind me, I saw the palace, still standing, but a shadow of its former self. Black and decayed, wooden timbers continued to fleck away and fall to the ground, the plot uninhabitable, eerie. Its grandeur had been lost. Behind the embers you could still see the palace grounds; extending for miles, smoking, not looking as glamorous without their fabulous companion. A huge number of us, I could see, were lying, stood, kneeling in prayer, and sleeping out in the courtyard, the fortified walls of which had withstood the arson. Zhang Liao was sat cross-legged on the floor beside me, gazing softly at my figure, looking drowsy and heart-broken. He had saved my life. I looked down upon him.

'Th-thankyou…' I stuttered, blinking away tears.

He said nothing, and looked away, shaking his head, returning to his solace.

I stumbled away, moving throughout the crowds. There were many who had survived, although in a community of hundreds, that was nothing. I smiled softly at familiar faces, pacing throughout the courtyard, not really sure who I was looking for. I trampled upon burnt bushes, feeling sorrow for those who huddled beside unmoving bodies, grieving over those who had passed.

'Diao Chan!' A hoarse little voice cried from somewhere in the mist; although I knew who it was from the tone, and relief flooded me.

'Mei!' I knelt down as the young daughter of Lu Bu rushed into my outstretched arms, and I breathed her in, running my fingers through knotted and ashen hair.

'Oh my goodness I'm so glad you are alright…'

'I was so scared… there was so much fire and it was hot and scary and…'

She continued to cry softly into my shoulder as I held her close, looking desperately over her shoulder to find her mother anywhere among the crowds.

'Mei…' I gently pulled her away from my embrace. 'Where is your mum?'

She sniffed a little and I wiped away a tear tenderly, smiling at her in reassurance.' I don't know…' she said timidly, 'I thought you would know where she is…'

I shook my head, worried, scouring the scene once again. All I could see were staggering figures among the grass, weeping and clutching hopelessly at any last personal relics they had rescued. I could not tell who they were; their faces were grey with ash, they all looked the same.

'Come on, we'll go and look for her, yes?'

So I took her podgy little hand and we walked on, through the survivors, a nervous thought gnawing away in my mind, desperately wishing for a positive result.

'Mei!' The second we were in view, Lady Lu abandoned all elegance and pegged it towards us, grasping her daughter up in her arms as soon as she was close enough. The little girl squealed in pure delight, breaking my heart. I grinned in spite of myself, until Lady Lu shot a look at me. She held my gaze evenly whilst caressing her daughter's long hair in exactly the same way I had previously, weighing up my value, her blue eyes piercing my soul. I wasn't sure whether to feel guilt, pity, or sorrow.

She set Mei down on the ground, who continued to gaze up at her mother in awe and wonder, who, in her eyes, could do no wrong.

'Thankyou,' she replied curtly, as I saw, out of the corner of my eye, Zhang Liao, wandering closer across the courtyard.

'Its alright… I just wanted to help, and to say so-'

'Your apologies mean nothing to me, Lady Chan. You mean nothing to me.'

I hung my head, ashamed. This was all my fault. I truly felt the guilt and pain that she intended me to feel.

Zhang Liao had now reached us. He bent down to ruffle Mei's hair, who stuck her tongue out at him playfully, suddenly so much more optimistic than the rest of us.

And then Zhang Liao leaned towards Lady Lu in a way which struck the very chords of my heart. He whispered something in her ear, delicately, I could see the folds of her glossy hair flutter as his breath caught her cheek. A hand stroked her back, she gazed at him with affection. My soul descended with negativity as he smiled fondly in return.

'Come on, I'll take care of you now,' he said with affection, gesturing towards some tents which sat on the outskirts of the palace. I assumed that this was where we would be attended to. He took hold of Mei's hand, and placed a hand gently on the small of her mother's back, not even giving me a second glance as he walked off into the moonlight.

I was left, stood on my own, abandoned, mourning after their presence, even that of Lady Lu's. I had never felt so alone. Or so responsible. Responsible for this carnage and the suffering I could see around me.

From the dust beside me, Lu Bu emerged victorious. And there we stood, in front of the wrecked palace, side by side and the perpetrators of such a horrific crime.

'I'm so glad that you're safe… and now you are all mine…'

I ignored Lu Bu as he clutched at the folds of my dress, claiming me as his prize, he eyes alighting upon the charred fabric and my tangled locks. 'We need to sort you out Diao Chan… you are in such a state…'

I continued to ignore him, a lack of emotion upon me. I carried the smell of burnt flesh, death. It would haunt me forever, it was my punishment, along with the racking guilt.

'Diao Chan, speak to me!'

I turned my head, resigned to my fate, tears welling up in my eyes as I realised that there was no returning home. There was no visiting Lady Luo's Girls Academy. I would not dine with my father again, and entertain men in the way I had used to, dancing flirtatiously whilst Yun entertained his guests, part of the game, always part of the game.

This was the end of that game. I was simply a pawn, Yun had been a player, and Lu Bu had emerged as the winner. Dong Zhuo had lost. It was over, I was his. This was my life now. Zhang Liao too had no time for me; for he had a strange connection to Lady Lu which made me sick to my stomach. For me to think he would possibly ever want me…

I simply wanted someone to take my hand and tell me that everything would be alright, that soon the sun in all its glory would come up, clear the mist, bring the rain to wash away that horrible smell. But instead, Lu Bu curled his fingers around my wrist and wrenched me forwards to join the others, dragging me painfully towards my new life.


End file.
